tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40288945329717448442012-02-16T21:21:26.208-06:00Sometimes people tell me jokes. If they make me laugh, then you might like them, too. Here they be posted. Leave something funny in the comments, too. You might as well know this up front, too: I am fond of puns.Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15726726673771393855noreply@blogger.comBlogger111100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028894532971744844.post-86363456355539126122010-09-06T13:29:00.000-05:002010-09-06T13:29:45.277-05:00

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll you have?" The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please." So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more. The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can

Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15726726673771393855noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028894532971744844.post-58561514662441710782010-08-07T16:48:00.000-05:002010-08-07T16:48:26.375-05:00

Looking for a cool one after a long, dusty ride, the drifter strode into a saloon. He sidled up to the bar, ordered shot and a beer, and settled back to enjoy his refreshment. Suddenly, a man galloped into the bar, shouting, "Run for your lives! Big Mike's comin'!" The drifter watched as most of the locals bolted for the door. Suddenly, the bar doors burst open. An enormous man, standing eight

Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15726726673771393855noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028894532971744844.post-27548573186679071752010-08-05T23:00:00.001-05:002010-08-05T23:00:00.012-05:00

Olga, the Danish chambermaid at the Catskill mountain hotel, was constantly being chased by Hirshberg, one of the guests. Every time he got near her, she ran away from him. One day he grabbed the pretty Dane and whispered his sexual request in her ear. To his amazement, she agreed to meet him in his room that night. "If you're willing," said the man, "why did you keep running away from me?" "

Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15726726673771393855noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028894532971744844.post-6802976225463251372010-08-05T22:58:00.000-05:002010-08-05T22:58:29.365-05:00

A man came home from work sporting two black eyes. "What happened to you?" asked his wife. "I'll never understand women," he replied. "I was riding up in an escalator behind this pretty young girl, and I noticed that her skirt was stuck in the crack of her ass. So I pulled it out, and she turned around and punched me in the eye!" "I can certainly appreciate that," said the wife, "but how did

Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15726726673771393855noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028894532971744844.post-41051731658507300212010-08-05T22:57:00.000-05:002010-08-05T22:57:00.929-05:00

Two retired banking colleagues, Harry and John, were enjoying a few martinis over lunch when John suddenly mused, "You know, when I was thirty, my erection was so hard that I could grip it with both hands and not be able to bend it." Harry nodded in understanding. John continued, "When I was forty, I could bend it ten degrees with the greatest of effort. At fifty, I could bend it maybe twenty

Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15726726673771393855noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028894532971744844.post-67757407350332041232010-08-02T23:38:00.003-05:002010-08-02T23:39:17.078-05:00

There was this magician who did an act for vacationers. He had a parrot that was always ruining his act by blurting out in the middle of a trick, "AWK! The card is up his sleeve," or "AWK! He had the bird in his pocket," or "AWK! He slipped it through a hole in the hat." One day the ship sank, and the magician and parrot found themselves together, floating along on a small raft in the middle of

Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15726726673771393855noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028894532971744844.post-3854097840853784142010-08-01T11:05:00.001-05:002010-08-01T11:06:58.179-05:00

These two hunters were off on their annual trip to the Canadian wilderness to bag a moose. As the seaplane landed on a lake in a remote area, the pilot said, "I'll be back in one week to pick you up. But only one moose, please." When he returned to the lake, he found the hunters proudly standing beside two mooses. "I told you guys only one moose!" the furious flier screamed. "There's no way the

Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15726726673771393855noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028894532971744844.post-91483112055421520792010-07-31T16:10:00.001-05:002010-07-31T16:11:06.361-05:00

The eminent acting teacher was telling his students about the worst actress he had ever seen. She couldn't find work until she married a rich producer who included her in all of his shows. One of his plays was the stage adaptation of "The Diary of Anne Frank," where her portrayal of Anne was so wretched that when the Gestapo came to take her away, the few people who were left in the audience

Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15726726673771393855noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028894532971744844.post-73327794738246755752010-07-17T02:42:00.001-05:002010-08-01T11:08:49.364-05:00

This, corny as it is, is one of my favorite old jokes. Quasimodo, the church bell ringer, is looking for help so he can take a day off. He starts interviewing people, and this guy with no arms shows up. "You can't ring the bell, you have no arms," says Quasimodo. "I can too, give me a chance," begs the no-arm guy. "Well, let's see what you can do," says Igor. The guy runs, and jumps at the

Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15726726673771393855noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028894532971744844.post-19212056621137917992010-07-14T01:56:00.000-05:002010-07-14T01:56:55.077-05:00

Okay, Boudreaux was out fishing one day, when he looked around and realized he forgot his bait. He's in his pirogue, not too far from the bank. Looking over, he sees a big black moccasin on the bank, with a bullfrog the size of a baseball in its mouth. Boudreaux reaches over and snaps that moccasin up, gripping the neck so that snake can't bite him. He pries that bullfrog out of the snake's

Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15726726673771393855noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4028894532971744844.post-11735883876082511952010-07-14T01:38:00.000-05:002010-07-14T01:38:37.217-05:00

Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan. --Heard during a phone call with my pal Al, during which he related the detail of the lives of himself and his family. Al was recently injured in a fall, but he's missed no work over it, despite doing significant damage to his knee.

Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15726726673771393855noreply@blogger.com0